I’m The Reason the Eagles Are In the Super Bowl – and Will Win


All of Philadelphia owes me a giant, thank you. Or, at the very least, send me a couple soft pretzels slathered with spicy, brown mustard. You can’t get a decent soft pretzel here in Ohio.pretel1

While I can’t take all of the credit (Nick Foles and Alshon Jefferey deserve some), I think I played a huge part in the Eagles getting to the Super Bowl.


Glad you asked.

So, as you may have read on an earlier More Stuff post (click here to read it), I made a pledge before this season to stop watching football. It has to do with brain injuries (I have one) and how I don’t think it’s right to watch giant men slam head-first into one another and cause CTEs.

It’s been hard to stay the course, and I’ve fallen off the wagon (the bandwagon?) a few times, and tuned in to a couple of Ohio State games. And an Eagles game or two.
But I’ve been strong since the playoffs – college and NFL – started, and haven’t watched any of the games. I think I’m 30 days football free. Do I get a chip for this? With some salsa?

And so, or thus, and because of all this, the Eagles, even without Carson Wentz and Darren Sproles, are now, of course, in the Super Bowl.

And I’ve forbidden myself from watching the damn game.

And, here’s the thing. The Eagles have never won the Super Bowl during the entire span of my existence and now, despite this wretched, decades-long record of futility – and Tom Brady – they’re destined to win Super Bowl XXXMBCXLKZ. It’s inevitable. I should go to Vegas bet everything I have on the Eagles.

I’ve been thinking about watching the game, despite my pledge. I mean, come on, it’s the Super Bowl. And it’s the Eagles. Against the Patriots. People (like you) will understand, right? What’s the harm? Everyone else in the world will be watching. Plus, the commercials are great. I could watch and not tell anyone, right?

But no, I have to stick to my guns. And principles. What’s the point of having a principle if, when faced with a little adversity, you toss is aside. It’s not like I’m the current POTUS.

I gave up football for a good reason – and I can’t go back. Not until they make the game safer. Not even if the Eagles are in the Super Bowl every year for the next decade.

Plus, if I watch, and they lose, it will totally be my fault. And all of Philly will be pissed at me and, trust me, you don’t want all of Philly pissed at you.

(Here’s the link back to the post on why I gave up football – and propelled the Eagles to greatness)

FYI: I wrote the first draft of this post at 9:45 on Sunday night, minutes after the Eagles crushed the Vikings – and my phone lit up and told me the news. Mom sent me an email a few minutes later. She and dad watched the game. And are quite excited.


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